Monologue #6 (performance piece)

I am a Christian. Yes, I go to bible studies for personal growth, like to converse about God’s meaning in my life, believe in standards and boundaries in relationships, feel uncomfortable in a bikini, don’t grind, and rarely drink but never to get hammered. In many cases I feel extremely privileged to have a solid cohort of like-minded friends here at Davidson, admittedly some might qualify me as the majority since my worldview and background are not structurally excluded by the larger Davidson community. But I still feel like an outsider to many people on this campus. For me, that group is the work-hard-party-hard crowd who at weekend Commons brunch find a topic of discussion and pride in recalling one another’s DMFO and breathily whisper to one another followed by a collective giggle or gasp. Since I have never been a part of this group I only assume that these conversations follow the outline of gossip about their friend who is now a slut since she said hi to their best friend’s ex then spilled her drink on her hook-up’s shirt which he then took off and blah blah blah. Is that wrong of me? I don’t think this lifestyle is inherently wrong, but my morals, functioning brain, and religious background make that lifestyle as foreign to me as oil in water.
Except, there is the little voice inside me that regrets that I will never have those quintessential ‘college stories’, that I never went crazy during the only time period when it’s acceptable. There will never be embarrassing memories of that time that I vom’ed all over F lawn after having too many drinks but still flirted with Dan the bike cop, or the night when I confessed my love to that adorable soccer boy from my Freshman Spanish class and felt rejected every time he avoided my glance when we passed each other in Chambers hallways. But let me be clear, the sober non-down-the-hill fun that I’ve had at Davidson has been some of the most treasured moments of my life and have been part of a road shaping me into the Christian I want to be.
But I know in doing this, I’ve unintentionally excluded myself from a lot of crazy, weird and fun nights and thus feel segregated and disconnected from a lot of awesome Davidson students who know that as their college experience. There is a complex social network that I will never be a part of: hook-ups, alcohol, drugs, hyperactive flirting, drunkly devouring greasy pizza and Cookout milkshakes without a care, stupid texts, going to class buzzed during Frolics, and 3 am tipsy conversations. But by living this outwardly pure and “Christian” lifestyle of movie-nights, Thursday-Night Worship, study parties, and endless Union Board events these 4 years will I regret that I missed my only chance to ‘let go’ like the typical college student?
Am I doing college wrong? I really don’t think so. My choices have classified me to many as a rigid goodie-two-shoes who looks down upon those who choose different lifestyles than me. But at the end of the day, I am fully satisfied and fulfilled by living a modest lifestyle as I see God wanting me to live and don’t think I should trade turning in my moral code for a few potentially destructive experiences just to satisfy my interest of the unknown.
But my choices are mine alone, and should not be communally misinterpreted as just the ‘Christian’ Davidson. My views are no more right than the rest of campus’ because I choose to associate with a particular religion. I just don’t know how to be myself in the sometimes hyper-sexualized atmospheres where certain emotions and actions are expected that go against what I believe in. I hate that people look down on me and don’t accept me for living the life that I think is right.
For those who don’t understand why some students choose to refrain from one or more aspects of the Davidson culture, I would encourage them to just ask and they might learn something more about how the values of students vary across ages, races, cultures and family backgrounds.

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